I’ve written about my mental health journey. Specifically, the past five years. Since my Deep Brain Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, which you can read about here and here, they have weaned me off of all meds for depression and ADHD. It’s taken a year to do so. Last week I took the last step down from my high of 600 mg of Wellbutrin a day down to 150 and now zero.
For the first time since the mid-90s, I’m just me. No mood stabilizers, no emotional safety net of any kind. If you have seen the episode of Star Trek Strange New Worlds, where Spock becomes fully human, then you have had a glimpse of what I’m going through. Suddenly, emotions that were blurred by meds are focused and sharp. Anger is bright red, sadness is blue. Joy is yellow and orange. I’m learning how to process it all over again. It’s scary and wild and terrifying. It’s a rollercoaster. Just like adolescence. This school year is going to be interesting.
I was going to write about corruption on SCOTUS here, but there’s enough sad stuff going on. Here’s a puppy instead. That’s Mocha. She’s now 14, still ticking and still sleeping on the vents.
When I was a kid, I used to spend a great deal of time wondering what my life would be like when I was no longer that kid. I would wonder about future loves, what my kids would be like, what job I would have, where I would live … the usual.
Looking back on what I was like, remembering what I thought about, worried about, I realize I didn’t have a clue. The fantasy life I envisioned for myself was so far removed from the reality of my adult life that it’s almost comical. The reality is SO much better than the fantasy in almost every way. I have said before and I will say it again, whatever I did in a past life must have been kick ass because I seem to have some rather good karma. Nobody is this lucky.
(My latest bout of depression does not change this. I originally wrote this six years ago, before depression tried to end my life. dTMS is yet the latest in the string of amazing things that have come my way.)
America has many problems, but we can solve most of them if we had the political will and courage to take them on, but we do not, at least the GOP does not. Look at their voting records.
They routinely vote against the best interests of their own supporters and in favor of the interests of the corporate oligarchs who hold their leashes. They voted “no” on cheaper insulin and no on easing the baby formula shortage. A no vote makes them look tough to their base, who only seem to care about winning and beating the liberals at any cost.
It’s no longer about the public good, it’s now down to “What’s in it for me?” and “If black people get it too, then nobody is going to get it.” The American right is selfish and self-centered. Full stop.
Let’s clear the air a bit, shall we? The default for characters like elves, hobbits, Santa Claus, and Jesus Christ in the Western mass media has been white because they have assumed the intended audience to be white. This is problematic, as it erases the diversity of the world and perpetuates the idea that white is the default race.
This became untenable with the growth of the internet and the rise of social media. For the first time, people could see the diversity of humanity right out in the open. And so it was that every single thing that had to be depicted became a battle between “whiteness” and reality.
The internet opened up the world to everything, including ideas. White supremacists could find others who held the same views and band together in order to fight against the perceived destruction of whiteness by old scapegoats and new.
But the reality has always been what people are now freely able to see on their own. Humanity is not a group of races arraigned in a pretend hierarchy with whites on top. It’s a spectrum of boundless diversity.
As they retell old stories considering this reality, it’s inevitable that those clinging to the old vision of a world whitewashed for their comfort fight to maintain their sense of superiority and privilege.
This is what we are all now bearing witness to. The beginning of the end of default whiteness. The trauma that will result from this process will affect us all. There will heighten violence to match the anger and rhetoric of those who lead the backlash against change.
There may even be state level conflict. After all, we are talking about the force behind the crusades, colonialism, chattel slavery, genocide, and countless wars. Religions were reshaped to serve this force, and they built western education on its foundation.
There is no guarantee that humanity will outgrow its past and build a new world on its grave. Any student of history knows that progress is not inevitable and that decline and collapse are normal. This is the trap that we need to avoid.
The same ones who are fighting to stop progress and change are also hoping for collapse. It would allow them to reset the clock back to when people like them held all the power. At least they think it will.
That’s how hard these people will be to keep their privilege. They will scrap modern civilization, leading to the deaths of millions, just to hold on to their fragile views about what the proper world order should be. This is at the center of every fight we see the Right make.
Preserving privilege means everything to them.